Give:

• A good ear
• Time to really listen
• A hug where appropriate
• Continuing contact

What can help bereaved persons

• Contact the person as soon as you hear of the death. Tell them you are sorry to hear of their loss, or send a card or flowers.
• Maintain contact personally or by telephone, notes, cards. Visits need not be long.
• LISTEN: This is possibly the most important thing you can do.
• Talk about the person who has died.
• Accept their behaviour – crying, screaming, being quiet, laughing. Allow expressions of anger, guilt and blame.
• Offer practical help, such as bringing in a cooked meal, taking care of the children, cutting the grass, shopping.
• Really try to understand and accept the person. Everyone is different.
• Indicate that grief takes time.
• Include children in the grieving process.
• Be sensitive about dates that might be upsetting or significant for the bereaved person, such as Christmas, anniversaries, birthdays, Father’s Day, etc.

What may not be helpful to bereaved persons

• Avoiding talking about the person who died unless the bereaved person does so.
• Inhibiting them by offering advice.
• Stopping contact with the person if the going gets too heavy.
• Lectures or reasoning.
• Expecting or judging how it should be.
• Using cliches.
• False reassurance.
• Saying “I know how you feel”.
• Trying to do everything for them.
• Comparing one loss to another.
• Describing the theory of grief.
• Taking the focus away from what they are saying.
• Equating a loss you have experienced to your friend’s loss.
• Giving details of your grief, unless the bereaved person finds this relevant to their situation.